god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
