Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
