I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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