never play flip cup with pint glasses
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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