Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
high people should be assigned attendants
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
