Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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