everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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