Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
