I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
