i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
