We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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