I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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