I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
