The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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