Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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