i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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