I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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