i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
