C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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