mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
