he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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