Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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