Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
