I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
