im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize