maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
