woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
