Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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