did you get engaged???
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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