We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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