Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
