i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
