Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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