it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
