don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
