You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can text with my tongue
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
