please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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