toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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