Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
