they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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