I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
