I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
