I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
