LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
