so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
