I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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