Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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