were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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