So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
