Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
