the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.