are you still at the devil's house?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike