I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME