A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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