Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
