What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
