come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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