Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
