I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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