you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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