I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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