Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
