Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
