Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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