Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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